Devil Ascends to Heaven to Battle the Almighty
Hunter S. Thompson, the so-called 'gonzo journalist' known for his immoral advocacy of drugs, wild uninhibited sex and gunplay, has used his dupes in the amoral, secular humanist liberal Hollywood to blast his way to heaven to fight God to the death.
His Hollywood moral relativists built a huge Tower of Babel on Thompson's ranch, topped with Thompson's favoured false idol of evil: the double-thumbed red hand, pictured below.
Built by Johnny Depp, a famous actor known for his portrayal of characters unable to prevent their own excesses and moral decay, the tower of hate blew Thompson's remains into the sky from a 150 ft vantage point.
"He'll never make it," predicted brother Iguana, an expert on liberal entertainment cults. "Heaven is infinite, and these evil cult instruments from science can't ever project him far enough to reach the blinding light of infinite truth. Dust in the wind. All he is is dust in the wind."
"People downwind will need to be exorcised," he added. "That's costly, but my ministry can help."
But what if he did make it to the Almighty?
"My money is on God", says Iguana. "He's got the most righteous uppercut of them all, and you never know where he's coming from. One moment he's jabbing right, and the next, he's a southpaw. God can do that, you know. He's all powerful. And he knows kung fu."
Yes, Thompson, for all his highly concentrated evil, is expected to lose, joining the ranks of other failed would-be usurpers of all-that-is-right-and-good such as Elvis Presley, John Lennon and Peter Jennings.
Jud McCloud is The Wingnuterer's writer-at-large.